Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Say your in Love

How can anyone really say there in love with a specific person? For example...
They are only in love with the anticipation of the emotions that they are addicted to!
Because the same person can fall out of favor by next week by not goodness doesn't that change the landscape of our emotional outlook on personal needs and identities?

If I change my mind, will I change my choices.
If I change my choices, will my life change?
Why can't I change what am I addicted to?
What will I lose that I am chemically attached to?
And what person, Place, time or event That I'm chemically attached to.... That I don't want to lose because that I may have to Experience the chemical withdraw!
Hence the human drama,,,
Some day you have to love the abstract as much as you love the condition of addiction. The only way I will be great to myself is not what I do to my body... But what I do to my mind.
We must pursue knowledge. Without any interference of our addictions. And if we can do that we will manifest knowledge in reality and our bodies will experience this in new ways, new chemistry, new holograms and new elsewhere's of thought beyond our wildest dreams. an addiction can be anything you continue to do over and over. Weather it be drugs or a self sabotaging daily routine.

My Memories of My Father, John Rohloff RIP 1982

Something I should have wrote when I was 12years old...
My father was a generous man with a large
heart. He was an entrepreneur before people knew what
an entrepreneur was. It took a lot to start a small
business in the 70's. But he seemed to always be busy
working at Rohloff Rug Cleaning. He would stitch,
clean and take all the stains out. Then he would hang
them to dry on our outside banisters with fans on them
in the sun. I used to help him wrap the rugs tightly
in brown paper. Then he tagged them and fit them into
his van for a Saturday delivery. I used to love to
take the trips through out northern N.J. dropping them
off to dry cleaners and picking up the dirty rugs to
be cleaned. I also enjoyed helping him when he cleaned
his client's carpets in Franklin Lakes in big mansion
houses. When he got home at the end of the day he
would spend an hour in the basement again on a card
table he used as a desk. I remember his small righting
on his grid paper. Always keeping organized records.
And his all-famous amazing blue checkbook.
My father always made sure that there was a hearty
dinner on the table. He loved to cook! I'm pretty sure
Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday. He used to
start the Turkey at 3am. On Halloween he would dress
up as an Italian chef. I recall he even used to cater
the Hawthorne Elks Club, Squirres Inn & at special
events and family gatherings he always had some kind
of casserole that he would share.
My father's favorite music was Opera and light 70's.
He used to love to watch Arthur Fiedler & the Boston
Pops on channel 13 PBS. I remember him turning up the
volume as loud as a B/W TV can go, as he acted like he
was the maestro! He loved Musicals. To name a few:
Fiddler on the Roof, My fair Lady & The Music Man. He
even enjoyed taking his mother to a Liberace concert.
Then he went nuts on a rocking chair one day when
these guys came into our house with a cable and just
like that, 78 Channels at a click of a button.
I would say that sports were his other hobby of his.
He loved to watch his Football & baseball games on TV.
And a 6 pack close to hand. He used to take me to
Giant stadium for the football games and Belmont horse
racing to gamble a little. I used to love to go to the
track because I always knew what horse was going to
win while everyone else was going by statistics in the
program books. I remember I won $67 on a $2 bet in the
7th race, horse # 7! I have tried that same ESP in Las Vegas last month with no luck!
I am so thank-full that my Dad signed me up for midget
league baseball. I remember him in the bleachers with
my Mom and the other team parents rooting us on. He
tried me in Football for about a year but I wasn't cut
out for it as much as I think he wanted me to be. But
I did continue baseball for 8 years in Hawthorne.
My dad loved to be with family & friends. It seemed
like every weekend we would have a picnic in our back
yard or we would go to either friends of the family or
visit my Uncles, Aunts & Cousins. Some times it would
be all the above! Some of the fun memories that my
father had will be remembered forever. Can't forget
the food, horseshoes, Poker & beer. I remember the
back of everyone's back yard like it was yesterday. It
was so fun playing with my cousins. I used to think
then that when I grow up I was going to have this
family picnic on weekends too! That has never happened
yet like it was then. It might be a Jersey thing…
There was always one thing my father made sure of
every summer. It was to take a vacation down the shore
no matter what. The memories of crabbing in the bay
will never be forgotten. Being on the beach all day
and taking that cold outside shower at the end of the
On Christmas my father loved to wake up in the
morning. Tammy & I would open our presents. And Dad
would be making Western Omelets & Coffee. He always
got me the coolest presents. And he would help me
assemble each gift until it was working right. After
that I would be in my room playing until I had to
leave to my cousins.
I miss my father so much! I can't believe he left me
the way he did. For years I have been cold and bitter
by the way it all unfolded. To this day I still think
I might have been able to change things. I'm turning
40 years old and I feel like I'm still missing
something from him. I did however learn a lot from
him. And I see a lot of him in myself, some good, some
I have his heart and his smile. I have his
entrepreneur skill and his poker face with out the
sunglasses. I have his cooking skills.
I have some of his gut and the rest
of his beer!
It seems like time gets shorter every time a loved one
passes away. Since my Father I have lost an Uncle
Jimmy Rohloff, Uncle Andrew Shadegg, And my mother
Judy Rohloff Blauvelt.
But I really wished to God that I talked to them more
often when I had the chance.
Live & Learn. It took a lot of self-help books to
guide me in the right direction. I actually had to
reprogram myself to think different from what I
thought was right and ok. I had to change my money
blueprint from what my parents thought of money. I
also learned that I choose my parents before I was
even alive. And I would still choose them if I had to
do it all over again.
Anyway, I'm going to end this before I fill another
page. I still have to write about my mother in chapter
2. And I could probably write a book on her!
I just want to finally say that I hope you remember my
Father as clear as I remember him. His energy is still
here for us to smile and laugh about.
If there are any pictures or memories you would like to share
with me please call, email or mail them to me.
Thank-you & Love,
Doug Rohloff